Power in the Higher Power

What a weekend.......pain is growth and there has been lots of growth this weekend. Where to begin......My sponsor says that relapse ends in the drink, but the behaviors that lead to that drink begin way before and that is so true. Thankfully, my Higher Power has spoken to me twice this weekend through others. Beginning last night my roommate posted o message on my myspace.........it read, "For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die."The Big Book Page 14/15"Faith without works is dead!" This message arrived right when I was sitting in my room premeditating my next relapse......it was a message I definitly needed to see at that moment, for it was enough to wake me the hell up.....had to ask myself what in the hell I was doing. I spent the rest of the night beating myself up for being in that space.

My sponsor called this morning and after I was honest with her about where I was she reminded me that the Big Book tells us that if we fall short and we are sorry that we believe we will be forgiven and we move forward and learn from our decisions and actions. It does not say that we continue to beat ourselves up for the things we have already done, instead we move forward today and ask our Higher Power for the guidance and strength to make different choices and take different actions.

My sponsor reminded me that I am a child, a daughter of God and if I choose to act from the place of love in my heart, rather than the place of fear and anger in my head I can't go wrong. So i have spent the day today making a list of the actions I need to take, and taking some of those actions to move forward from today and work on being the woman I want to be, the woman my Higher Power intends for me to be. The Big book also reminds us that we will not regret the past, nor will we wish to shut the door on it. I have faith to know that that statement is true and someday I will understand the purpose behind the path I have walked.....and someday there will be an opportunity for me to give back to someone else those things which have been freely given me.

Who Am I To Say?

The skeptic and the agnostic say it is impossible for us to find the answer to life. Many have tried and failed. But many more have put aside intellectual pride and have said to themselves: Who am I to say there is no God? Who am I to say there is no purpose in life? The atheist makes a declaration: "The world originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere." Others live for the moment and do not even think about why they are here or where they are going. They might as well be clams on the bottom of the ocean, protected by their hard shells of indifference. They are going nowhere and they do not care. Do I care where I am going? (Take from Alcoholics Anonymous the chapter to the agnostic)

Sorry I haven't posted in a while and have not visited your blogs in an even longer time. All is well, have just been very busy. With nicer weather we are spending more time outside and less time on the computer. I have thought of all of you often and it is your support that gives me strength, along with my Higher Power. We worked in the yard all weekend and my body is very tired. This weekend was the first real hard labor I have done since surgery and by Sunday evening I knew I did way too much. There is still so much more to do......and it jas been so long since I was able to do any of it, I found it hard to listen to my body and stop when I should have.

This evening we built a nice fire in the firepit we cleaned out this weekend, using firewood from some of the dead tree limbs we fell this weekend. There is something magical about staring into the flames. I was filled with a deep sense of the Higher Power at that moment. I was in my lounge chair (which I also scrubbed down this weekend) with my puppy, my husband in his with the other puppy, a roaring fire, soft music, the stars and the wonderful peach cobbler he made for dessert.......and I was overcome with that feeling of absolute lack of doubt in the existance of a Higher Power. It was a wonderful moment. I am so grateful to God, my family and the fellowship that I will have many more evenings like this. It was something that rarely happened while I was using.....I was passed out before camp fire time.......I am grateful that I can live and enjoy life now instead of missing it go by.

Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember
what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without
surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,
however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe;
no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it's clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whateveryou conceive God to be; a
nd whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life
keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it's still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrman, 1927.

Read this again today and it was just what I needed to hear today so I thought I would pass it on......

Strength in God

If you are trusting in your own strength, you have every reason to be apprehensive, anxious and fearful. What can you predict or control? What is there in you that can be counted on? What would give you the ability to be aware of all the facets of any problem, and to resolve them in such a way that only good can come of it? What is there in you that gives you the recognition of the right solution, and the guarantee that it will be accomplished?

Of yourself you can do none of these things. To believe that you can is to put your trust where trust is unwarranted, and to justify fear, anxiety, depression, anger and sorrow. Who can put his faith in weakness and feel safe? Yet who can put his faith in strength and feel weak?

God is your safety in every circumstance. His Voice speaks for Him in all situations and in every aspect of all situations, telling you exactly what to do to call upon His strength and His protection. There are no exceptions because God has no exceptions.....

....There is a place in you where there is perfect peace. There is a place in you where nothing is impossible. There is a place in you where the strength of God abides.

ACIM Lesson 47

I was on my way to work today......ranting and raving about all the things I had control over. My bestest friend Anna just listened politely and asked me....have you read the lesson for the day? Of course I had not. I went onto work and took care of the amends that my sponsor suggested I needed to do in order to clean up my side of the street from earlier this week. I did that, which was by no means an easy thing, and has put my job at risk. On the way to meet with my sponsor, I called Anna again to let her know how my morning went. She had grown impatient with me by then and read the lesson of the day to me.....Man did it hit me right square between the eyes. If my strength had been in the my Higher Power this week I wouldn't be in the mess I am in. However, I have taken the action necessary to fix this, I have a plan in place and if I place my strength in my Higher Power now it will be okay. My Ego screamed so loud the last few days and made it nearly impossible for me to take the actions necessary to fix this mess. That is exactly what this reading is talking about.......I can trust in a Power greater than myself.....or I can let fear and ego guide me. Today I chose a Higher Power.

Thanks for all your experience, strength, hope, patience and friendship Mable. I am happy that I can offer so much humor to your day!

More About Alcoholism

The book Alcoholics Anonymous tells us in the chapter, "More About Alcoholism," that there will come a time when there is nothing between me and a drink but a power greater than me.

The book says, ".....They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow....."

A bit later it says this, "....The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." (Big Book p42-43).

I have read this a million times, my sponsor has said it a million times, I've heard it in meetings, and yet I was shocked when it happened today. I was having a good day. Although I have said many times in the last week that I don't ever want to go through that stuff again, I was having no thoughts of using whatever. I excused myself to use the restroom.......as I locked the door behind me there was no thought whatever into what happened next. I came to a few moments later with four bottles of narcotics, stolen from a medicine cabinet, on the counter. I was in the process of deciding exactly how many I would skim off each bottle. At that very moment I heard a voice in my mind. The voice was very familiar as it was that of a friend with whom I had had a conversation about relapse with just hours before. The voice said, "think it through to the end, what are the consequences?" At that very moment I recognized that the voice I was hearing was that of my Higher Power and that the strength to get through this moment was being given to me. All I had to do was grab onto it. It really scared the shit out of me. I had put no more thought into what I was doing than one would by walking out to the mailbox and back. I had no mental defense what so ever. I chose to listen to that voice....I put those bottles away as fast as I could and got out of there. I was thanking God every step of the way. It was a powerful lesson for me about exactly how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease really is. I am grateful for the gift of sobriety I have been graced with today.

But For The Grace of God

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Twenty Four Hours a Day Hardcover (24 Hours)

A.A. Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "But for the Grace of God." Once we have fully accepted the program we become humble about our achievement. We do not take too much credit for our sobriety. When we see another suffering alcoholic in the throes of alcoholism, we say to ourselves: "But for the grace of God, there go I." We do not forget the kind of people we were. We remember those we left behind us. And we are very grateful to the grace of God, which has given us another chance. Am I truly grateful for the grace of God?

Meditation for the Day

A consciousness of God's presence as One who loves you makes all life different. The consciousness of God's love promotes the opening of your whole being to God. It brings wonderful relief from the cares and worries of our daily lives. Relief brings peace and peace brings contentment. Try to walk in God's love. You will have that peace which passes all understanding and a contentment that no one can take from you. Feel sure of God's unfailing love and care for you and for all His children. There is freedom and serenity in those who walk in God's love, held safe in His loving care.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may walk in God's love. I pray that, as I go, I may feel the spring of God's power in my steps and the joy of His love in my heart.

Surgery went well. Thanks so much for all of your prayers. The defect was larger then expected so the OATS procedure could not be done. Instead they did a microfracture. I am working hard a rehab. The pain has been intense but I'm dealing with it fairly well. I have been working hard at being open to my God consciousness and it has definitly helped. I was told that life will hve struggles but that God will give us the necessary strength to get through them and I have certainly found that to be true. By relying on God for my strength and for my motivation I am handling this all very well. I am grateful to my Higher Power, for the fellowship and all the help they have given and for my family and their suppport. The picture shows the completed microfracture.....which is essentially a bunch of hole driven into the end of the bone. As they heal they will grow new bone and cartlidge.

Passing Dreams

"In a dream you can behold rich people, poor people, someone strong, someone else groaning with disease, someone dying, and someone being born. But when you wake up, you realized that it was only a dream. This universe is God's dream. And when I ask Him, 'Why do You not dream only beautiful dreams? Why must Your play be fraught with nightmares?' He replies 'You must be able to enjoy both the nightmares and the beautiful experiences for what they are--dreams, only dreams. But if you dream only beautiful dreams, you will be drowned in that beauty, and never wish to wake up.' That is the answer. So you must not be frightened when nightmares come, but say, 'Lord, it is a passsing dream. It has no reality. 'And when you are smiling with health and happiness, say, 'Lord, it is a beautiful dream, but do what You like with my dreams of life.' When you are neither touched by the nightmares of disease and suffering and worries, nor bound by the beautiful dreams, then God says,' Wake up, now! Come back Home.' "

---from the essay "Why God Created The World", written December, 1945, excerpted from the book "Journey To Self Realization" by Paramahansa Yogananda, pg 49

This was wonderful to read. I have been plagued with nightmares latley and they reading helped me to find some perspective. It really is just a passing dream and although it might have once had some reality, it has none for me now. So long as I rely on my HP for strength these dreams no longer have to cause me pain. I have nothing to fear so long as I rely on that faith. God will restore me to sanity. God will heal the wounds of reality and replace them with freedom from fear and bondage. He will raise me up where eagles fly if I only reach out and take his hand.

I Can Be Hurt By Nothing But My Thoughts

When we have fallen into the habit of listening to the ego's critical voice, we will always be dragged down in spirit. The ego thought system that we have decided to join with will always bring us pain in some form. It takes willingness and a mindfulness to change our minds to join with the thoughts of God.

Your Father has given you a gift. It is the gift of Light that is hidden within your mind. Merely choosing to let everything go with your mind and turning all of your desire to allow the Light to come through, will heal all of the thoughts that were hurting you and causing you pain.

The critical thoughts of the ego are used to judge and perceive the sinfulness of everyone and everything including yourself. These thoughts tear down and separate. None of them are true and it is you who allows them to be made up. It is a habit to believe in them. And like all things in the world, your belief in them and your habits can be changed by merely changing your mind about them. The easiest way to do this and the only way in reality, is to turn your attention to the memory of God hidden behind the veils of darkness within your mind. Recognizing that His Light truly exists and can be perceived is the first step in salvation.

Your desire to let everything go that you perceive now, which is forgiveness of the world, in exchange to allow the perception of the Light to illuminate your mind is the gift that will instantly begin to heal all your pain and woes. Practice laying everything down with your mind and only perceive your Father's Light within you. It is by His Grace, His Light, His Gift that all happiness and joy will be instantly restored to you. You need do nothing else but this, let it go and see His Light. The Light brings the gift of knowledge. The Light brings the gift of joy, healing and contentment. It brings a knowing that everything is okay and all is well.

These gifts of the Kingdom are yours to behold and to have right now. The Light reveals the Truth to you that you already are the Kingdom of Heaven. It is your light, your reflection, your sinlessness, your holiness that the Holy Spirit will show you as you allow Him to show you your Light that resides within you. It blazes away shining in eternal glory. O what a beautiful sight to remember and to behold within yourself. What a beautiful gift your Father has given to you, for He has created you pure and holy as Himself.

You are sinless as Himself. In reality, you are Love like Love Itself. Block the vision of His Light and the sound of His Voice no more, for the holy perception that He has given to you will restore the memory of Him at last. His are the gifts that you desire; there is nothing else.

This was given to me by my bestest girl friend. It is exactly what I need to do. I began on a new journey last night to bring light to the thoughts that have been hidden in the dark corners of my mind. I have allowed these thoughts to nearly destroy me and I now have an opportunity to bring light to them so that they no longer can hurt me. This journey will be intense, emotional and difficult. I know that the gift of freedom awaits me on the other side and I am grateful that I have been presented with the opportunity and tools to overcome those things which have hurt me. By keeping an open mind and becoming willing to take the risks and ask for help I am able to get through this. My biggest challenge is remembering that if I rely on my Higher Power I will be able to keep the fear away and heal from those wounds that have cut so deep.

Being a Victim

Being a victim was the unconscious motivation for most, if not all, of Rhonda's actions. It was the thing that motivated Rhonda to do and say the things she knew would have a violent impact and a violent outcome. Violence, abuse, and being hurt had become a pattern in her life. Most people are always loyal to their patterns whether they are conscious of them or not. Most people will behave in ways that will create what they believe will happen.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I'm so tired of being a victim. I, just like this reading says, create chaos to keep it alive, often without even knowing I'm doing it. I will strive to trust in my Higher Power and to turn the pain over to him. By doing so there is less fear and that makes it possible for me to fully accept that some shitty things happened to me. I had no control over them and could not change the outcome. I can however change my actions and attitudes today. I can let these things continue to control and dominate me or I can turn things over to a Higher Power and work through these things so that they no longer place me in fear. I am experiencing feelings that I never allowed myself to feel in 25 years. They are raw and intense. Today I can recognize that feelings are not facts and that with the help of a Higher Power I will get through these feelings without picking up. By allowing the feelings to surface instead of numbing them out they will lose their power and no longer be as strong or intense. Thanks to a few very dear friends for helping me to see this and thanks to my Higher Power for the strength to endure.

Inner Voice

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Touchstones.

I learned to listen to my body with an inner concentration like meditation, to get guidance as to when to exercise and when to rest. I learned that healing and cure are active processes in which I myself needed to participate.--Rollo May

In our spiritual growth, one of our movements is from passive to active, from helpless to responsive. For example, we are passive if we don't take responsibility for our bodies and don't care for our wellness and conditioning. Do we passively leave our health in the doctor's hands?
Do we take responsibility for our relationships? Are we active in nurturing them? We could add our own interests and positive energy to enrich them.

Our Higher Power speaks to us in a quiet, subtle voice, which can easily be ignored until we learn to listen. It takes courage to listen to this inner voice. When we listen, we develop a relationship that is a strong force moving us into recovery. We are still powerless over many things, but we can make active choices in how we will grow and how we will respond.

I will be guided in my choices by my inner voice

This was a very important lesson I learned in the last week of chaos I put myself through. That inner voice, the quiet, subtle voice was whispering the answer, the next right choice all along. I instead chose to listen to the loud, obnoxious voice of my ego. In the aftermath of all that happened it became so clear to me that my ego's only goal is to scream loud enough to drown out that steady, quiet inner voice. I take comfort now in knowing that the inner voice is always there, it will never leave me. The secret is to pause when the chaos starts and let the voice of the ego go and wait for the inner voice. If I do that than I know I will be guided to make the next right choice. Sounds easy enough, yet I know it will be a challemge. I have awakened the ego. I gave it and inch and it now wants a mile. Patience will bring that quiet and comforting voice back. The other thing that became clear to me is that when I am listening for that inner voice there is no fear. That voice comes from a place of true, pure, love and will shelter me from all that I fear. With that inner voice, my Higher Power, I have everything I will ever need......without it I am nothing and will get nowhere.

Tolerance

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Twenty Four Hours a Day Hardcover (24 Hours).

A.A. Thought for the Day

Another of the mottoes of A.A. is "Live and Let Live." This, of course, means tolerance of people who think differently than we do, whether they are in A.A. or outside of A.A. We cannot afford the luxury of being intolerant or critical of other people. We do not try to impose our wills on those who differ from us. We are not "holier than thou." We do not have all the answers. We are not better than other good people. We live the best way we can and we allow others to do likewise. Am I willing to live and let live?

Meditation for the Day

"And this is life eternal, that we may know Thee, the only true God." Learning to know God as best you can draws the eternal life nearer to you. Freed from some of the limitations of humanity, you can grow in the things that are eternal. You can strive for what is real and of eternal value. The more you try to live in the consciousness of the unseen world, the gentler will be your passing into it when the time comes for you to go. This life on earth should be largely a preparation for the eternal life to come.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live each day as though it were my last. I pray that I may live my life as though it were everlasting.

This program teaches that love and tolerance of others is our code. That is something I try to live daily. I have found that my Higher Power speaks to me through other people and that those other people may be the very folks that some shun. I have to remember that I am no better, no worse than the next person I will encounter. Each of us was created by a loving Higher Power and we are exactly who he wants us to be. I do live each day as it were my last for ultimately I have only today. Tomorrow is never a guarentee. Thanks to all of you, for it is really you who have taught me what tolerance is by your very actions of accepting me, just as I am, no matter what stupid mistakes and choices I make, no matter what comes out of my mouth. By following your example I have learned to love myself and as my Anna always says, God is love and if I stay in touch with my Higher Power than love is what comes forth from me.

Higher Power

Beneath all the ceremony, and all of the knowledge I gained from books, there was a frightened, wounded little girl. She was in total control of my life, and I had yet to find my adult identity. I didn't have a clue about what to do next.

Yes, I prayed, but I was really begging God to help me. I was not communing with the Higher Power within me. I was asking a big God out there to save me from myself, like he had saved me from my Grandma. God cannot help you unless you are very clear about what it is that you want. God will not help you if you don't believe you are worthy of help. Yes, I was meditating. But when you live in fear meditaating becomes an opportunity for your mind to play tricks on you. You get momnentarty glimpse of what you could be. However, since you don't believe in yourself because you don't understand your own power, you dismiss the insights you gain through meditation. Before that I was meditaing about my problems rather than medidtating on the solution. One day I was staring out the window when I heard a voice, "What do you want?"

"You've got to take the good times and the bad times. You've got to be willing to do it for free. If you have the desire and the skill, you will never allow yourself to believe in failure, you're gonna make it." I knew that my message was from God, I didn't know what to do about it, but I knew it was for me.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant.

This reading was a loud voice in my head. It wasn't until I was clear about what it was that I wanted that this whole God thing started to work for me. I had been through the gammet of addictive substances and life styles trying to fill this hole inside of me, to make myself feel better. I spent a lifetime trying to change and make myself into a better person with things amd people. When I came to the realization that I am already whole and complete, exactly as God wants me to be, lacking nothing and needing no one other than my God did that hole begin to fill. As it did, I became clear about what I wanted. I wanted to be free, joyous, serene. Before me lay a spiritual pathway and all I need to do was grab on to the hand out stretched to me and begin on that pathway and I would be free, joyous and serene. Along the way I have strayed from that one thing I wanted and have suffered pain, setbacks and losses. So long as I allow them to remind me of the next right thing to get back on that path all is well. I had to accept myself for who I am and believe that I was good. I had to quit trying to be something I'm not....most of all a God myself. When I rememer that goods things come my way. So long as I remember I am not God I will be given the tools and te right people to make it through anything that comes my way.....good, bad or otherwise. I'm reminded tonight of a song I just love..."What if God was one of us...." I have found that my Higher Power really does come to me through other people....and if I am openminded and willing to listen he will answer my every question.

Victim or Survivor?

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

There are really only two ways to approach life--as victim or as gallant fighter--and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.
--Merle Shain

Being the victim is, or was, uncomfortably familiar to many of us. Perhaps some of us are only now realizing we have choices, that we need not let life happen to us. Becoming responsible to ourselves, choosing behavior, beliefs, friends, activities, that please us, though unfamiliar at first, soon exhilarates us. The more choices we make, the more alive we feel. The more alive we feel, the healthier our choices.

Our aim is recovery. Recovering means participating fully in our lives. It means self-assessment and self-direction. It means trusting to move forward, step-by-step, choice-by-choice, knowing all the while that no thoughtful action can trouble us.

Many opportunities to make choices will present themselves today. The choices I make will satisfy me; they will move me toward my goal of recovery.

I spent a long time being a victim and being played by life. It was a place of misery and pain. The insanity continued until the pain became so great that I was faced with a choice......life or death. The victim was trapped in a fatal addiction and inorder to live I had to become a survivor. My fear was so intense that at times I felt paralyzed by it. In the end when all was said and done I had to make the choice to take that step at the edge of the cliff and have faith that one of two things would happen.......there would be ground on which to stand or I would be given wings. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Once I took the step things began to fall into place. I am now a survivor. It is something I must remember to do ever day for it is so easy to return to the comforts of the vicitim. However, when I remain the survivor I can be happy, joyous and free. Working through the pain leads to tremendous gain. I am so grateful to my Higher Power for the strength to survive. It was there all along, all I had to do was ask for it, and have the courage to reach out and use it. I am also grateful to the folks who patiently and kindly held my hand and showed me the way.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love does not mean that you accept or condone mistreatment. It does not mean you excuse people their faults and frailities. It does mean you see them, accept them and love them, despite the things you may not like about them. If Rhonda had known that, she could have learned to laugh with her daddy, to have fun with him when he was available. When he was not available to her, she would not have blamed herself. She would not have believed that she lacked anything she needed to get love.

Taken From "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

This is a lesson I must work hard on right now. I am in a situation with someone very close to me. This person has no idea what unconditional love is. I have a responsiblity in that. Ultimately, words without action, will do little to accomplish this. I have dropped empty words for far too long. This is a lesson that must be taught by example. Now is the time I must lead by example, my unconditional love of this person despite the things I don't like. There is a fine line though that I have been forced to look at, and that is the one of accepting or condoning mistreatment. Therefore, my example of uncontional love must give voice to the mistreatment while unconditional accepting that which I don't like. This will be a huge challenge for me. There will be much heartache along this path. I have faith that my Higher Power has placed this challenge before me for an important reason. That reason, a most precious child of God, is worth the struggle. With my Higher Power at my side, I stand a very real chance at breaking the cycle this disease creates. That is ultimately what makes the struggle to be the face of unconditional love worth it, and my Higher Power will not fail me if I only remember to say yes I accept your challenge.

The Path of Love & Joy

Today's thought is:

Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. 'Tis grace that hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.'--John Newton

Today and always, let joy be your compass. When choosing a direction in life, choose the path of your heart. Do what you love, follow your bliss.

Fun is an underestimated emotion in our culture. We are told as children, "If you waste time having fun, you won't get anything serious accomplished." Yet most successful people describe their work as being incredibly joyful. An office that sings with laughter is always more productive. As one executive remarked, "The more I enjoy my work, the more efficient I become."

Joy and laughter improve the quality of our relationships. Couples who lighten up rarely split up. Laughing at a difficult situation fosters detachment and understanding. It is only when we get too serious that trouble arises.

Since love is the highest _expression of the Divine, following that path of love and joy will lead you to God-consciousness. What more is there?

Our vacation comes to an end today. I plan to take the love and joy we experienced with me and find ways for it to continue. It was a wonderful week, filled with joy and love......a few of the roses had thorns, but they are still beautiful. Last night I had a wonderful time. I was able to visit with Tammy, a wonderful friend, who has moved in pursuit of her love and joy. I was also able to meet a fellow blogger(Phyllis), and she was full of love and joy. I will have a picture up tomorrow, or you can check her page (there is a link in my blog roll). We had a wonderful dinner and made plans to meet again next month. I am renewed and ready to return to work with a new sense of love and joy. My husband and I refound our love and joy this vacation as we celebrated our 21st anniversary (we got to watch the sunset on the ocean that evening). This trip I was able to reflect on all that is good in my life. My gratitude list is long, and when that is the case, there is lots of love and joy. I am especially grateful to have a relationship with a power greater than myself. When that relationship is right you can't help but be filled with love and joy!

Mothers

Mothers are very important to children. They provide the lifeblood, the mind energy, and the "soul food" that every child needs in order to flourish. Fathers show us how to survive. Mothers teach us how to blossom and flourish. The mother must teach, nurture, guide, and provide the spiritual support system that the soul requires to unfold. When a child does not have a mother, some portion of the mind, the soul, and the life of the child remains in a constant state of yearning and want. What the child wants is to be feed and loved in a way that only a mother can love. Only a mother can bring forth the grace, mercy, beauty, and gentleness of the spirit. The spirit of God. The spirit of mothering energy is present in every woman. Whether she knows it or not, a woman is a mother, simply by virtue of the fact that she is a woman.....

When a woman does not know she is a mother, or how to be a mother, the children around the house become lost. She is not sensitive to them or there needs. Her words are spoken harshly. Her actions are abrupt and abrasive. She is authoritarian. She knows the words of mothering but not the grace. The grace of the mother's love will break the rules, when it is necessary, in order to nourish a child. In the face of an authoritarian mother, a childs growth is stunted. When a child has an unfolded heart, it is too difficult, too dificult for her to express how she feels, or what she needs. Unexpresed feelings and need lead to anger and fear.

When a woman has not touched the part of her spirit that is God, she cannot offer God to her children. She cannot give love, perhaps because she has not received love. She follows the rules that say that love, loving, and the mercy of love are weaknesses. When a woman with a closed heart is placed in the role of a mother, she can't be anything but weak.

Taken from "Yesterday, I cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

Today my son turned 16. He is my baby. I have spent a lot of this past week refelcting on motherhood and how well I did, or didn't do the things a mother is suppose to do. I grew up with a mother just like the one described above, one who has not touched the part of of her spirit that is God. I tried to do better, but when one doesn't grow up with those things it is difficult. I did fond that part of my spirit that is God for a long time when my kids were little. When my son was about 8 the disease began to rob me of that spirit of God within me. Somehow my children seem to have been blessed with that Spirit. They are confident and have a spiritual support system. I am grateful for my recovery and to my Higher Power for helping me to provide that for my kids and for the gifts I have received.

Understanding the 12 Steps

Understanding comes slowly from practice of the twelve steps. From simple acts such as:

1. Humbily addmitting our alcoholism. Desiring to stop drinking and treating our alcoholism.
2. Honest effort to lose alcoholic skepticism. Faith in God and the AA program.
3. Making a descion to live as free as possible of mental binges.
4. Identifying character defects that isolate us from contented society.
5. Submitting these defects in prayer to God for removal.
6. Honestly living each Step to establish a conscious contact with him.
7. Prayer without resentments in our hearts.
8. Studying the Big Book for understanding to improve our conscious. Forgiving others.
9. Dealing in right motives, fair treatment.
10. Acting with kindness and sanity in our business and home life.
11. Being honest and appreciative, helping others, showing tolerance.
12. Belief in our spiritual potential. Willingness to find God in developing it.

I needed to read this today. Especially the part about willingness to find God, faith in God. I am sitting here in misery because things aren't working out the way I want them to or think they should. I sat down to read and found this. It dawned on me that I am sitting in this postion because I never once asked God for help through this, and I haven't listened for an answer or tried to see what his will might be. I need to stop and surrender my will and my life over to my Higher Power and than maybe it will be a better day than testerday......

Dancing With God

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that,
and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues,
perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender,
willingness, and attentiveness
from one person and
gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G: I thought of God,
followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head,
I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God abides in you.
Dance together with God,
trusting God to lead and
to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and
there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life,
please share this message with someone else,
for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.
There is no cost but a lots of rewards;
so let's continue to pray for one another.

And I Hope You Dance!!!!!!!!

Thanks Shannon for passing this on to me. It's a lesson I can relate to. Spend time everyday working on letting god lead the dance.

Surround Me

They say no man's an island
but I tend to disagree
I guess they've never seen my island,

And where it lies at sea
I'm lost inside my memory.
I'm still in disbelief.
If I could paint a picture for you
this is what you'd see

I'm down on my knees
Begging you to rescue me
Please stop me
Don't let me run
Surround me...
Surround me...now

A wounded man sounds desperate
when he's lost all his belief
Can you look into my eyes
and say you won't betray me

We're running out of time
How precious time can be
I'm counting all the moments
of the times you could have helped me

I'm down on my knees
Begging you to rescue me
Please stop me
Don't let me run
Surround me...
Surround me

I'm down on my knees
Begging you to rescue me
Please stop me
Don't let me run
Surround me...
Surround me
Surround me now
by Scott Stapp

This song is how I see my relationship with my Higher Power. It's there and ready to surround me, if I only I would stop running from it everytime I'm afraid. I need to run to my Higher Power instead of from her. She is the mist on the path, surrounding me.

The Grand Canyon

I've seen You calm the waters raging
in the rivers of my mind
Your spirit blows a breeze into my soul
And I've felt the fire that warms the heart
Knowing that it comes from You
Then I've let it turn as cold as a stone

Sometimes I feel like I'm as close as your shadow and
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking up
at You from the bottom of the
Grand Canyon,
so small and so far
From the Grand Canyon, with a hole in my heart
And I'm a long way from where I know I need to be
When there's a Grand Canyon between You and me

I've had the faith that gave me strength
for moving any mountainside
I've felt the solid ground beneath my feet
But I've had the bread of idleness while
drinking from a well of doubt
And it shakes the core of all I believe

Sometimes I feel like I'm as close as your shadow and
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking up
at you from the bottom of the
When there's a Grand Canyon between You and me

Sometimes I feel like I'm as close as your shadow and
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking up
at you from the bottom of the
When there's a Grand,
Grand Canyon between You and me
by Susan Ashton

This song so describes the way my relationship with my Higher Power seems to be. There are times when I feel my Higher power in and all around me, she comes to me in the people I interact with everyday. During those times I feel that no challenge is too great for me to endure. Yet, there are times when I struggle to find even a shimmer of my Higher Power. I feel isolated and alone during those times when she eludes me. I often wonder if my Higher Power isn't really there all the time and I am the one who does not recognize her presence..........