Staying Open to Our Feelings

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Staying Open to Our Feelings

Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.
"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."
"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."
"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."
These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.

Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.

Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.

We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.

Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.

This has been an area of my recovery that has been slow in coming. I still struggle with recognizing feelings and finding appropriate ways of expressing them. This reading was a good reminder for me. Especially the very last line. Today I will not accept shame.....I find myself more often than I prefer slipping into shameful feelings. I have to pause when I recognize that is happening and reasses my boundaries and say a little prayer. I have made progress and that gives me hope. I must remember this program is measured in baby steps, not leaps and bounds.

The Old New into The New You

"Often, when you are on the spritual path, there is a war that goes on between the person you once were and the person you are becoming. Some call it "thought patterns." Others call it "habit." My experience was that there were two distinct personalities who need to be integrated...You may believe strongly, you may want deeply to change, and for your new found identity to emerge. But the new you is not quite sure it will work. It is there, in that glimmer of doubt, that the old you begins to work. It nags at you. It challenges you. It is called self doubt and lame excuses. It looks like not having to pray, to meditate, and not being able to figure out how praying and meditating are gonna put food on the table. The new you views problems as challenges, knowing that with every problem comes the solution, the escape, the way out. The new you is willing to confront challenges and wants to do so in a spiritually grounded way. When however, the new you is backed up to the wall, it will, out of habit, borrow from the old you. The instant borrowing occurs, the new you is rendered dead - even if it is only for a moment. The challenge is that when the new you is brought back into focus, there is probably a pile of old-you crap that needs to be cleaned up.....I had to learn the hard way that you must be disciplined, vigilant, and obedient about the practices that will build your spiritual muscles and put the old you to rest."

Taken from Yesterday I Cried: Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving by Iyanla Vanzant

This is a perfect description of what I'm going through right now. I am catching glimpses of a new me and I really want to be that person. I seem to be finding myself backed in the corner and borrowing from the old a lot these days. I know it will take time and plenty of spiritual muscle to get through this. The big difference between the old me and the new me is that the new me is filled with hope that there is a way out of the corner that works much better than the way the old me does it. If I work hard at this, keep admitting when I do it wrong, follow the suggestions given me and remain honest, open and willing I will get there over time. Thanks to those who have gone before me and blazed a clear path to follow. Your support and guidance has been a huge blessing. Thanks especially to Mable, your the bestest!