Higher Power

Beneath all the ceremony, and all of the knowledge I gained from books, there was a frightened, wounded little girl. She was in total control of my life, and I had yet to find my adult identity. I didn't have a clue about what to do next.

Yes, I prayed, but I was really begging God to help me. I was not communing with the Higher Power within me. I was asking a big God out there to save me from myself, like he had saved me from my Grandma. God cannot help you unless you are very clear about what it is that you want. God will not help you if you don't believe you are worthy of help. Yes, I was meditating. But when you live in fear meditaating becomes an opportunity for your mind to play tricks on you. You get momnentarty glimpse of what you could be. However, since you don't believe in yourself because you don't understand your own power, you dismiss the insights you gain through meditation. Before that I was meditaing about my problems rather than medidtating on the solution. One day I was staring out the window when I heard a voice, "What do you want?"

"You've got to take the good times and the bad times. You've got to be willing to do it for free. If you have the desire and the skill, you will never allow yourself to believe in failure, you're gonna make it." I knew that my message was from God, I didn't know what to do about it, but I knew it was for me.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant.

This reading was a loud voice in my head. It wasn't until I was clear about what it was that I wanted that this whole God thing started to work for me. I had been through the gammet of addictive substances and life styles trying to fill this hole inside of me, to make myself feel better. I spent a lifetime trying to change and make myself into a better person with things amd people. When I came to the realization that I am already whole and complete, exactly as God wants me to be, lacking nothing and needing no one other than my God did that hole begin to fill. As it did, I became clear about what I wanted. I wanted to be free, joyous, serene. Before me lay a spiritual pathway and all I need to do was grab on to the hand out stretched to me and begin on that pathway and I would be free, joyous and serene. Along the way I have strayed from that one thing I wanted and have suffered pain, setbacks and losses. So long as I allow them to remind me of the next right thing to get back on that path all is well. I had to accept myself for who I am and believe that I was good. I had to quit trying to be something I'm not....most of all a God myself. When I rememer that goods things come my way. So long as I remember I am not God I will be given the tools and te right people to make it through anything that comes my way.....good, bad or otherwise. I'm reminded tonight of a song I just love..."What if God was one of us...." I have found that my Higher Power really does come to me through other people....and if I am openminded and willing to listen he will answer my every question.