Patience

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Twenty Four Hours a Day Hardcover (24 Hours).

A.A. Thought for the Day

I have real friends where I had none before. My drinking companions could hardly be called my real friends, though when drunk we seemed to have the closest kind of friendship. My idea of friendship has changed. Friends are no longer people whom I can use for my own pleasure or profit. Friends are now people who understand me and I them, whom I can help and who can help me to live a better life. I have learned not to hold back and wait for friends to come to me, but to go half way and to be met half way, openly and freely. Does friendship have a new meaning for me?

Meditation for the Day

There is a time for everything. We should learn to wait patiently until the right time comes. Easy does it. We waste our energies in trying to get things before we are ready to have them, before we have earned the right to receive them. A great lesson we have to learn is how to wait with patience. We can believe that all our life is a preparation for something better to come when we have earned the right to it. We can believe that God has a plan for our lives and that this plan will work out in the fullness of time.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may learn the lesson of waiting patiently. I pray that I may not expect things until I have earned the right to have them.

I read this meditation this afternoon and it reallhit home for me. That part about waisting energy trying to get things before we are ready, before we have earned them stopped me in my tracks. I have spent so much time doing that very thing. When I finally surrender and let things happen in God's time instead of my time they always seem to work out for the best. When I try to get them all on my own they usually mess things up terribly. I'm trying to be patient and let that be proof enough to surrender my will to my Higher Power. Everyday I have to recommit myself to letting God will be my guidance. I also have to remember that it's progress not perfection and my baby steps are okay as long as I keep taking them. Today I made a choice to look at my day positively and it was a great day. I had every opportunity to be pissed and have a bad day and I have no doubt that it would have turned out to be a bad day. Having a good day was so much more productive and peaceful. Thanks to the guidance of my Higher Power and sponsors life is good.

Confusion

In confusion

“It is while trying to get everything straight in my head that I get confused.”
-- Mary Virginia Micka

When I get confused, when my mind is wrestling with what to do, I have learned to abandon my thought processes completely. The best solution, I’ve discovered, lies in asking my heart for direction. This requires that I stop my mental chatter, either by sitting in silence or by doing something completely different. In quiet, still space, I often know what’s needed, with a clarity I never get from the labouring of my mind.
And I now know, without doubt, that when I’m confused is never the time to act. I must wait for clarity.

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”
-- Daniel Boone

When I finally got around to reading this today it was exactly what I needed to hear. I have being working so hard at finding clarity and direction that I'm more confused than ever. It's time to stop and listen to my heart. I am allowing that voice of ego to get loud again, and direction is to be found in the quiet heart of my Higher Power. It feels as though I am doing nothing by just sitting here quietly, but I have been told over and over that in fact that is where I will find the direction I am seeking....in the stillness.

What is Good For me?

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.


What's Good for Me?

When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?... Is this what I really want?... Is this what I need?...Does this direction feel right for me?...or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God's intended plan, God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.
Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

This reading really hit home for me. Part of my problem this past 10 days or so is that I didn't remember this important step. Ultimately the only important question is God what is your will for me today? Followed by please greant me the strength and courage and love to carry it out. If I keep that as my focus than I can't go wrong. The secret is that I have to take the action. Making a decision doesn't mean anything. If you have three frogs on a log and one decides to jumps off what are you left with? Three frogs. Decision don't mean anything if you don't take the action and actually jump off the log.

End The Pain

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Stopping Our Pain

Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn.--Beyond Codependency

There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.

There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.

There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.

There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.

We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.

We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.

We may use religion to avoid our feelings.

We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.

We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.

We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.

In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.

We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.

If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.

It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.

It will only hurt for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.

Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.

Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.

This week has been a huge lesson to me that step one is one of those things where I can't take the parts I like and leave the rest. I have to do this thing 100%. I can easily admit that I am powerless over alcohol....it llands me in trouble everytime. Even though life being unmanagable leads me to trouble everytime too and my thick head can't get the unmanagable thing. So I shared at a meeting tonight and a friend stopped me outside the meeting. She got on my butt and told me I wasn't gonna get anywhere until I got the hell out of my head. She told me she gets exhausted being around me cause I spend so much time there. Of course this is not the first time I have been told something very similar this week. This friend gave me an "suggestion" that seemed so simple I laughed. But of course I'll do it because I'm deperate. I am to write a note that reads, "Rex, this is God and I don't need any help today thanks anyway." I am to put it on the bathroom mirror where I can see it first thing. I have lots of other "suggestions" to keep me out of my head which is exactly what I need. I have lots of pages to read everyday and the bottom line is that until I accept that I am powerless and my life is unmanagable and surrender to God's help I will continue to land right back here time and time again.

Mountains or Molehills?

Today's thought is:

We can stop making mountains out of molehills.
Learning to let go of the choices other people make takes away much of the angst we have grown accustomed to. Letting go of the outcome of all experiences, even those that involve us, frees our minds from the needless worry that keeps us stuck. The more we focus on a problem, our own or someone else's, the bigger it gets.

Why do we worry so much? For some of us, it has become a habit. Lucky for us, by sharing the Twelve Step journey we can learn how not to worry. The solution is to have faith that our Higher Power will take care of us. And the others in our lives have their Higher Power to care for them. Learning to give up our old ways of "doing" life unburdens us profoundly. The time we'll gain will allow us to do what we really need to do.

My perspective today will be healthy. I'll let go and let God.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

This is so true. When I remember to rely on my faith and to trust that I will be taken care of, just like I always have been I can get through anything. This program has taught me that my HP never abandons me, rather I fail to listen to his words or grab his outstretched hand. When I remember to stay in the moment and be where my hands are I tend to remember to reach for that hand. So everyday I try to stay in the moment and remember that the hand is always there when I stumble. All I have to do is reach for it.

Thoughts on Surrender

Today a dear friend asked me if I have truly surrendered to the AA way. Was I really done searching for other ways to fix my problems? I had to ponder that question. It was pointed out that many of the things coming out of my mouth where the result of delusional thinking. What did that mean? I spent many hours reflecting and reading on the subject. The function of surrender in AA is now clear. Life brings me to that place where I can say "I quit. I give up on my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson." It brings a freedom when I can say "Thy will, not mine, be done."

It occured to me that I have been fighting to hold onto a life of failure. Why have I chosen to be in misery when I can see that there is a life of joy and freedom so long as I surrender? I could come up with not a single answer for that question, other than by holding on to the hurt I could allow myself to stay in that place of self-loathing. I have been given a gift, an opportunity to let go of the pain and to see the beauty that God created in me. I found a pray which I will say tonight and every night until I believe with all that is in me that I am worthy.

"O Lord, do not turn me away, lowly as I am, ashamed! Send upon me the grace of the Holy Spirit : make me worthy to stand before your holy altar!"--- Gregory of Nazianzos

It has been brought to my attention that although the journey began when I first walked into the rooms, the real recovery will begin when I make the decision to "let go" of living my life my way, and turn it over to a power greater than myself. I am ready to do that. My way isn't working and it's time to move forward. It's time to let go of the past and begin the healing process. I was reminded tonight that I've been going about this all wrong, as my intention was to close the door on the past and to never speak of it agian. The Big Book tells me that I will not regret the past nor will I wish to shut the door on it. I pray for the willingness to be in that place where I can see the past as my greatest asset.

I found several quotes that I think really brought the message home for me. I do believe I understand what surrender really means now. I pray for the willingness to surrender for today my will, that Thy will be done. I am putting the shovel down......I'm done digging.....

Surrender
What I had to do was stand on the edge of the unknown,
have faith in the Steps and my teachers in the meetings,
and let go -- step with both feet
into this terrifying new realm of surrender,
and trust that a power greater than myself,
which I was only coming to understand,
would carry me.
If I held back,
trying to keep one foot in the old realm,
I'd fall out of the program.
I had to abandon myself absolutelyto the principles of the new dimension.
c. The AA Grapevine, Inc., March 2005, p. 11

"At one time, the admission thatI was and am an alcoholic meant shame, defeat and failure to me. But in the light of the new understanding that I have found in AA, I am able to interpret that defeat, and that failure, and that shame, as seeds of victory. Because it was only through feeling defeat and feeling failure, the inability to cope with my life and with alcohol, that I was able to surrender and accept the fact that I had this disease, and that I had to learn to live again without alcohol."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 335.

We Surrender To Win.
On the face of it, surrendering does not seem like winning. But it is in AA. Only after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no further; only when we hit “bottom” in despair and surrender, can we accomplish sobriety, which we could never accomplish before.
We must, and we do, surrender to win.

c. 2003 AAWS, Experience, Strength and Hope, pp. 155-6With permission, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Thank you so very much to my dear friend for loving me enough to be honest with me and help me to see where I really am. Thank you for standing beside me and holding my hand while I jump off the edge of the unknown. You have been a source of experience, strength and hope beyond all measure. The power that I am learning to rely on brought your path across mine for a reason. I now understand that silly saying I've heard in the meetings hundreds of times. "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." Thanks for always asking me the hard questions and bringing me to the edge of the unknown. Your example has show me that it will be okay to jump over the edge......everything will be alright.

I am ready to close my eyes and take that step. I love you with all of my being. I am ready to learn to love myself the same way.