Toltec Wisdom

I started a new book this week and so far it has been great. The book begins with a Toltec ancestor in search of that "something more," in life. One night he has a dream and it became a revelation that changed his life. In the dream he saw the sky and the stars and heard his voice saying, "I am made of light; I am made of stars."

He looked at the stars again, and he realized that it's not the stars that create light but rather the light creates the stars. "Everything is made of light," he said, "and the space in-between isn't empty." And he knew that everything exists in one living being, and that light is the messenger of life, because it is alive and contains all information.

The he realized that although he was made of stars, he was not those stars. "I am the in-between the stars," he thought. So he called the stars the tonal and the light between the stars the nagual, and he knew that what created the harmony and space between the two is Life or Intent. Without Life, tonal and the nagual could not exist. Life is the force of the absolute, the supreme, the Creator who creates everything.

This is what he discovered: Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. And he came to the conclusion that human perception in merely light perceiving light. He also saw that matter is a mirror --- everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light --- and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn't allow us to see what we really are. "The real us is pure love, pure light" he said.

This realization changed his life. Once he knew what he really was, he looked around at other humans and the rest of nature, and he was amazed at what he saw. He saw himself in everything --- in every human, in every animal, in every tree, in the water, in the rain, in the clouds, in the earth. And he saw that life mixed the tonal and nagual in different ways to create billions of manifestations of life.

When he returned he tried to tell others, but they could not understand. They could see that he had changed, that something beautiful was radiating from his eyes and his voice. They noticed that he no longer had judgment about anything or anyone. He was no longer like anyone else.

He had discovered that he was a mirror for the rest of people, a mirror in which he could see himself. "Everyone is a mirror."

Taken from The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz, p XV-Xviii

Sorry this was a bit long but I was very touched by it. It so much reminded me of that spiritual awakening I experienced in Alcoholics Anonymous. It continues to grow as I see others come to the rooms, get sober and then experience an awakening themselves. I was also struck by the bit about the mirror. I have been a mirror to my kids that I regret. They have seen things in the mirror no kid should ever see. But I'm also filled with gratitude because the grace freely given me by my Higher Power and the program Alcoholics Anonymous have changed that mirror in ways I never imagined possible. I am proud of the mirror my kids see today and it gets better by the day.

Love and Spirituality

Children often learn about spirituality and things of a spiritual nature under a cloud of suspence and fear....They are definitely taught they are sinners. They are taught what not to do. They are also taught that if they commit the forbidden acts, God will get them. They are taught about a cruel and punishing God. A God who is displeased with you and most of what you do unless you follow certain "prescriptions." Few children are taught that they are not separate from God, or that it is possible to develop an intimate relationship with God. They believe that God is somewhere "out there," separate and apart from you, waiting for you to make a wrong move...She figured out very early in life that she was bad, and something bad was gonna happen to her...Bad children expect bad things to happen to them. They expect to be punished...She learned about love through pain, abusively, neglegently inflicted, and unnecessary pain. She learned about God in the midst of fear. She learned to expect pain as an ingredient to being loved. She learned that people who claimed to love you can cause, and will ignor, your pain. She learned through the action of her "loved ones" to expect that an act of love would be preceded by the impostion of pain...She learned that if you do the wrong thing, those who love you will hurt you. And no matter how badly you hurt, or what you have done, if you bear the pain of love silently, you can hope against hope that someone will, one day, love you enough to hurt you again.

Taken from "Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I have been struggling lately with love and spirituality. I never got clear messages about either growing up. I really identified with what this book said. That is exactly the message I grew up with. When I got to AA I began to learn a new way. I began to understand that God is not like that at all. I came to learn what love was suppose to look like. It has been so easy for me to have that love and for my spirituality to grow in the rooms of AA. Where it got tough was the part about practicing these principles in "all our affairs" , as step 12 suggests we do. The hardest place of all has proven to be at home. After some struggle, some reading and some inventory I have come to the realization that I have allowed my relationships at home to be driven by self-centered fear. I have forgotten that my only job is to give love freely and be of service. I have forgotten that kind of love that overlooks shortcomings at home, and have allowed my fear to keep me focused on the faults of others. In just one evening of remebering that love and that giving without the expectation of anything in return, relationships have already improved. The problems are no where near being all solved, but at least I feel like the war is over. Thanks so much for holding that mirror up and pointing me in the right direction (you know who you are, chickie). Love ya the mostest!