Being a Victim

Being a victim was the unconscious motivation for most, if not all, of Rhonda's actions. It was the thing that motivated Rhonda to do and say the things she knew would have a violent impact and a violent outcome. Violence, abuse, and being hurt had become a pattern in her life. Most people are always loyal to their patterns whether they are conscious of them or not. Most people will behave in ways that will create what they believe will happen.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I'm so tired of being a victim. I, just like this reading says, create chaos to keep it alive, often without even knowing I'm doing it. I will strive to trust in my Higher Power and to turn the pain over to him. By doing so there is less fear and that makes it possible for me to fully accept that some shitty things happened to me. I had no control over them and could not change the outcome. I can however change my actions and attitudes today. I can let these things continue to control and dominate me or I can turn things over to a Higher Power and work through these things so that they no longer place me in fear. I am experiencing feelings that I never allowed myself to feel in 25 years. They are raw and intense. Today I can recognize that feelings are not facts and that with the help of a Higher Power I will get through these feelings without picking up. By allowing the feelings to surface instead of numbing them out they will lose their power and no longer be as strong or intense. Thanks to a few very dear friends for helping me to see this and thanks to my Higher Power for the strength to endure.

Victim or Survivor?

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.

There are really only two ways to approach life--as victim or as gallant fighter--and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.
--Merle Shain

Being the victim is, or was, uncomfortably familiar to many of us. Perhaps some of us are only now realizing we have choices, that we need not let life happen to us. Becoming responsible to ourselves, choosing behavior, beliefs, friends, activities, that please us, though unfamiliar at first, soon exhilarates us. The more choices we make, the more alive we feel. The more alive we feel, the healthier our choices.

Our aim is recovery. Recovering means participating fully in our lives. It means self-assessment and self-direction. It means trusting to move forward, step-by-step, choice-by-choice, knowing all the while that no thoughtful action can trouble us.

Many opportunities to make choices will present themselves today. The choices I make will satisfy me; they will move me toward my goal of recovery.

I spent a long time being a victim and being played by life. It was a place of misery and pain. The insanity continued until the pain became so great that I was faced with a choice......life or death. The victim was trapped in a fatal addiction and inorder to live I had to become a survivor. My fear was so intense that at times I felt paralyzed by it. In the end when all was said and done I had to make the choice to take that step at the edge of the cliff and have faith that one of two things would happen.......there would be ground on which to stand or I would be given wings. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Once I took the step things began to fall into place. I am now a survivor. It is something I must remember to do ever day for it is so easy to return to the comforts of the vicitim. However, when I remain the survivor I can be happy, joyous and free. Working through the pain leads to tremendous gain. I am so grateful to my Higher Power for the strength to survive. It was there all along, all I had to do was ask for it, and have the courage to reach out and use it. I am also grateful to the folks who patiently and kindly held my hand and showed me the way.

Who Am I?

Zen Koan: When you remove the wheel and axel from a cart, what's left?

When you remove your name, your role, your possessions, your beliefs, your body, what's left?

You may discover that your perception of yourself changes sdepending on time, place, relationship, or how others perceive you and how you perceive others.

There is nothing permanent that you can point to as being "you."

Taken from Heart of Forgiveness by Madeline Ko-I Bastis

Looking at myself from this perspective has been enlightening. Who I am, is really my soul. How I express my soul is up to me. I cannot control what any other person says to me or does to me. I can, however control my reaction to that. I can get angry and hurt and let that person have the power to darken my soul. Or I can accept that this is a sick person too, who deserves my compassion as I would give it to a sick friend or family member. By doing this and praying for the person as it suggests in the Big Book, I will be free of further harm to my soul. I will allow my soul to be free and shine for all to see. I will no longer allow myself to be a victim, and thereby allowing my soul to darken. I want to be a survivor!