Staying Open to Our Feelings

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Staying Open to Our Feelings

Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.
"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."
"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."
"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."
These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.

Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.

Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.

We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.

Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.

This has been an area of my recovery that has been slow in coming. I still struggle with recognizing feelings and finding appropriate ways of expressing them. This reading was a good reminder for me. Especially the very last line. Today I will not accept shame.....I find myself more often than I prefer slipping into shameful feelings. I have to pause when I recognize that is happening and reasses my boundaries and say a little prayer. I have made progress and that gives me hope. I must remember this program is measured in baby steps, not leaps and bounds.

Relationships

Today's thought is:

In normal relationships, there may be low times as well as high times. It's unrealistic to expect every minute to be perfect and filled with happiness. There may be times when my partner and I disagree. We may want to do something separate from each other, want to spend time alone, or simply be in a bad mood.

Relationships of any kind don't always have to be fun and exciting. Real life is about experiencing emotions of all kinds. We may experience sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, depression, or any other feeling that isn't usually considered to be positive. These feelings are all part of life.

Today I will accept that as long as I'm communicating my feelings, all of them are okay. I will allow others to have their own feelings too.
You are reading from the book:

Time to Fly Free by Judith R. Smith

This was a good reading for me today. Good reminder that relationships are a lot of work. I always want happy moments, no turmoil, no downs. If I were to get my way I suppose that my relationships would not grow, they would become stagnant and die. I have a hard time with that principle about "if your ever gonna see a rainbow, you'll have to stand a little rain" I will try for today to be as honest, as open and as willing as I can be to letting my relationships stretch and grow.

Befriending Our Feelings

When we befriend our feelings we become free to face the person who harmed us without rancor.

One of the best things about mindfulness is that it brings us into balance. If we tend to counterattack when someone hurts us, then a moment of mindfilness gives us ttime to act thoughtfully and compassionately. If we tend to hold in our hurt and anger, then awareness lets us know exactly how we feel and gives us courage to express those feelings to the other person. It isn't necessary to hold everything inside. It's important to let other persons know that they have harmed you. Sometimes the harm is unintentional, caused by the other person's lack of mindfulness.

For all the harm you have done me. knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive you. Just because someone acted unintentionally, does not mean that he can't learn and grow. If you don't gentally call on his transgressions, then the thoughtless actions will continue. When we find the delicate balance between aggressive response and whimping out, then we can act without an agenda. We say what we fill without expecting anything in return.

Taken from Heart of Forgivness by Madeline Ko-i Bastis

Once I began to even acknowledge my feelings things improved. Now that I am allowing the feelings to be a part of me and just sit with them life is even better. I am looking forward to the future finally, and that is a good feeling.