Still Sick

Just a fun reminder of what is really at stake. We are not a glum lot but just underneath is a deadly earnestness....(paraphrased from the Big Book)

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has completed their aftercare. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not learn our numerous slogans, and go to 90 meetings in 90 days. They are usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of forming meaningful relationships in treatment centers. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; their therapist told them so. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a relationship with a vulnerable newcomer. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to form meaningful relationships.

Our stories disclose in a general way: how we were harmed, what happened to those who harmed us, and how we got even in the end. If you have decided you want what we have, you obviously haven't been paying attention to our stories. If you're still determined to get what we have and are willing to exert minimal effort to get it--then you are ready for a temporary sponsor. At their first suggestion we balked. We were sure that our sponsors didn't understand. We were determined to find a sponsor who would see things our way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to take it easy on these old fools. Some of us have tried to re-educateour sponsors but the result was nil until we let go of them absolutely.

Remember that we are dealing with your ego - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without constant praise and reassurance it is too much for us. But there is one, and possibly more, who has all power, that one is a significant other. May you find them now!

Half measures availed us nothing. It was time to move in together. Having abandoned common sense completely, we asked his or her protection and care with great expectations.

Here are the steps we took, which interpreted properly, offer a spiritual path to staying sober and having your own way in a meaningful relationship:

1. Don't drink or get loaded. Try to ignore the fact that you've never actually been able to do this.

2. Came to believe that the right relationship could restore us to sanity.

3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our significant other, assuming they had what we needed.

4 Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our significant other.

5 Complained to God, to ourselves, and to our temporary sponsors about the exact nature of their wrongs.

6 Were entirely ready to have God remove these defective characters.

7 Humbly demanded that He find us the right significant other.

8 Made a list of everyone we found attractive and became willing to have significant relationships with them all.

9. Made direct amends to people we believed might still be willing to help us restore our net worth, except when their significant other was attractive to us.

10. Continued to find fault with others and when they were wrong promptly pointed it out.

11. Sought through prayer and manipulation to improve the behavior of our significant other, praying for knowledge of all their hot buttons and just the right time to push them.

12. Having gotten our own way as the result of these steps, we tried to convince our significant other that this was really for their own good, andthat their future happiness lay in doing my will.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! They won't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to do this with just one partner. Fortunately the treatment centers, meetings, and social activities are full of prospects who are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to keep replacing partners until we find one or more who will do it our way. The principles we have set down have proven themselves in coffee shops, clubhouses, and meetings across the land. We claim personal development and pick-up lines rather than personal perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the wives, and our personal difficulties before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and it wasn't our fault.

(b) That our current therapist and significant other could not relieved our alcoholism.

(c) That the right partner could and would if they were sought.