Sunday, February 17, 2008

Power in the Higher Power

What a weekend.......pain is growth and there has been lots of growth this weekend. Where to begin......My sponsor says that relapse ends in the drink, but the behaviors that lead to that drink begin way before and that is so true. Thankfully, my Higher Power has spoken to me twice this weekend through others. Beginning last night my roommate posted o message on my read, "For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die."The Big Book Page 14/15"Faith without works is dead!" This message arrived right when I was sitting in my room premeditating my next was a message I definitly needed to see at that moment, for it was enough to wake me the hell up.....had to ask myself what in the hell I was doing. I spent the rest of the night beating myself up for being in that space.

My sponsor called this morning and after I was honest with her about where I was she reminded me that the Big Book tells us that if we fall short and we are sorry that we believe we will be forgiven and we move forward and learn from our decisions and actions. It does not say that we continue to beat ourselves up for the things we have already done, instead we move forward today and ask our Higher Power for the guidance and strength to make different choices and take different actions.

My sponsor reminded me that I am a child, a daughter of God and if I choose to act from the place of love in my heart, rather than the place of fear and anger in my head I can't go wrong. So i have spent the day today making a list of the actions I need to take, and taking some of those actions to move forward from today and work on being the woman I want to be, the woman my Higher Power intends for me to be. The Big book also reminds us that we will not regret the past, nor will we wish to shut the door on it. I have faith to know that that statement is true and someday I will understand the purpose behind the path I have walked.....and someday there will be an opportunity for me to give back to someone else those things which have been freely given me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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