Self-Abuse

Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves, and it is the Judge, the Victim, and the belief system that makes us do this...

The way we judge ourselves is the worst judge that ever existed...

In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else...

We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves; it is why we don't accept ourselves; it is why we don't accept ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are...

Taken from The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz p. 19-21

This is so very true for me. I gave all that stuff to God during the inventory process, so why is I keep bringing it back up? He has already forgiven me, so it's time to forgive myself. That was a different time and a different me, and honestly I wouldn't be the person I am today if I had not walked in those foot steps....they are a part of me, a part of why I am where I am today. I can honestly say I'm grateful for those things because I love my life today. I believe there is a reason for all things, and even though I might not yet know the whys, God will use those experiences to help another through me someday.

Help Yourself

I got this poem at group last night and thought it was a perfect Friday messsage:

If you are down,

Just look around.

Look in the sky:

There's a bird that can fly!

Or when you feel low

Look out your window,

See the rain

Trickle out your pain.

If you get depressed,

Maybe get dressed;

What you wear

Can help you face fear.

When things get confusing,

Do something amusing,

Like stand on your head

Or jump on your bed.

There's many ways

To get through hard days.

Whether you're a girl or boy.

Just find what you enjoy.

What is Good For me?

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.


What's Good for Me?

When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?... Is this what I really want?... Is this what I need?...Does this direction feel right for me?...or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God's intended plan, God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.
Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

This reading really hit home for me. Part of my problem this past 10 days or so is that I didn't remember this important step. Ultimately the only important question is God what is your will for me today? Followed by please greant me the strength and courage and love to carry it out. If I keep that as my focus than I can't go wrong. The secret is that I have to take the action. Making a decision doesn't mean anything. If you have three frogs on a log and one decides to jumps off what are you left with? Three frogs. Decision don't mean anything if you don't take the action and actually jump off the log.

Wiilingness

Today's thought is:
When all is said and done, willingness is everything. --Frank D.

Most of us adult children know very well that recovery doesn't happen, nor is there any positive growth, unless we are first of all willing.

Sometimes we get confused over the difference between willing and wanting. We don't have to want, let alone enjoy, doing what needs to be done. Not wanting to do something is altogether different from not being willing to do it. As one recovering woman said, "Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it." The bottom line is that she did let go no matter how badly she wanted to hang on; she was willing.

Think of the people in the program we most admire, those whose progress seems so speedy compared to ours. They may very well not enjoy going out to meetings. They may find it uncomfortable to meet with their sponsors or to say kind words when they really want to complain. They may wish they didn't have to make amends to certain people. But druthers aren't the point. The point is that they are willing to do what it takes.

Today, I ask God to help me deepen my willingness to grow and to see the difference between what I want and what I will.

I am finally coming to that place in my life where I am willing to do what it takes to move forward. The people in the program that I most admire have shown me that the only way to freedom from that which enslaves me is though it, there is no way around it. With the help of my HP and those people I am ready to embrace my past, go through it and remove it's powerful hold on me. It is not what I want to do, but I'm willing to do it if it's necessary. This must begin with self care. It is something I struggle with, but for today, something I am willing to do.

Loving-Kindness

Begin by sending loving-kindess to yourself:

May I be safe from harm
May I be free from mental suffering
May I be free from physical suffering
May I live my life joyfully

Visualize family, friends, and send loving-kindness to them:

As I wish myself to be safe from harm, so I wish you to be safe
May you be free from mental suffering
May you be free from physical suffering
May you live your lives joyfully

Then send loving-kindness to those you don't know:
May all beings -
those who I know, those who I've never met
those who are like me, those who differ in race, religion and ethnicity
those who have done good, and those who have done ill -
May you be safe from harm
May you be free from mental suffering
May you be free from physical suffering
May you live your lives joyfully

Taken from "Heart of Forgieveness: A Practical Path To Healing" by Madeline Ko-I Bastis