Separateness

Today's thought is:

Separateness

. . . risk creating our own life path.

Sometimes it seems easier to lean on our mate for all decisions and all direction. Then we do not have to risk creating our own life path. Some people think they can avoid that risk by striking a bargain with their mate. They so fully immerse themselves in their mate's identity that they never have to face their own. Some couples unconsciously agree that one partner will do all the thinking and the other will have all the feelings. The result of their bargain blunts the spirit of both people, because neither grasps the challenge to see life through her or his own eyes. When both us know how it feels to walk in the other's shoes but still see our life through our own eyes, we find the greatest personal empowerment and spiritual freedom.

Think of a time when your relationship was stronger because you took the risk to be different.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

This reading hit home for me on some many different levels. My first relationships in my family of origin were very much like this. We were not allowed to have our own identity if it rocked the boat too much so I grew up with a sense of molded myself to the system to make things run smoothly and not stand up and be my own person. When I got married I carried this over into that relationship. I learned very quickly to let him call all the shots and I didn't make a decision on my own until I started drinking. I made decisions but they were all based on trying to keep him happy and the relationship together while continuing my use. When I got sober I was lost. I had all these feelings and emotions to deal with and decisions to make about where my path was going to lead and how to get there. I didn't have a clue how to do anything on my own. It is only in the program of AA and through the guidance of some very special people, most importantly, Mable, that I have begun to make decisions for myself. I am learning that they don't always have to be right and I can learn from them and do it differently next time. The important thing is the action. I can make decisions all day long but I must chose to act on them for there to be any progress. For the first time in my life I am creating my own path. I have stumbled and fallen, but I chose to get up and try again. I have had to ask for help and at times accept the help of an outstretched hand when I didn't want to. I have twisted and turned and stumbled blindly at times. But ultimatley the important thing is that I am learning that I can survive anything put in my path so long as I rely on a Power greater than me and ask for help when I need it, and learn from the wisdom of others and the experiences I encounter. I am free today and with that freedom comes a sense of peace that makes it all worth it.

Love

Rhonda had been taught love and loving require doing and getting. If you do this, you will get love. If you don't do this, you will lose love. She learned that love was a bargin, when in fact, love is a principle. It is a state of being that we experience as what we do and how we do it. Because most of the people in Rhonda's life inflicted pain on her, she closely associated love with pain, whether mental, emotional or physical. Love hurt Rhonda. As a result, when she loved someone, she would hurt herself rather than hurt them.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I grew up with much the same idea of Love. In this program I have learned a new way to love and be loved. I have learned that my Higher Power is love. Love begins with being able to honestly look at myself and all that I have done and all that has happened. I had to come to believe that I am whole, lacking nothing just as God wants me to be. Once I came to believe that I could love and be loved. By placing my faith, my life, life and all it's outcomes in my Higher Powers hands the only left was love. Like it tells us in 1 Cor 13, Love does not have strings attached. It just is. Life takes on a whole new meaning when one understands love. I am grateful for a relationship with my Higher Power and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous working in my life to teach me the true meaning of love.

Relationships

Today's thought is:

In normal relationships, there may be low times as well as high times. It's unrealistic to expect every minute to be perfect and filled with happiness. There may be times when my partner and I disagree. We may want to do something separate from each other, want to spend time alone, or simply be in a bad mood.

Relationships of any kind don't always have to be fun and exciting. Real life is about experiencing emotions of all kinds. We may experience sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, depression, or any other feeling that isn't usually considered to be positive. These feelings are all part of life.

Today I will accept that as long as I'm communicating my feelings, all of them are okay. I will allow others to have their own feelings too.
You are reading from the book:

Time to Fly Free by Judith R. Smith

This was a good reading for me today. Good reminder that relationships are a lot of work. I always want happy moments, no turmoil, no downs. If I were to get my way I suppose that my relationships would not grow, they would become stagnant and die. I have a hard time with that principle about "if your ever gonna see a rainbow, you'll have to stand a little rain" I will try for today to be as honest, as open and as willing as I can be to letting my relationships stretch and grow.

Blessings and Gratitude for my "Family"

Was thinking today about all the gifts I have been given by making a choice to face my fear and walk through the doors of AA. Though I have lost things along the way and may still lose things as I clear away the wreckage of the past, I have gained so much more. One of the greatest gifts is the "family" I have gained. I have been blessed with some of the greatest family and the opportunities still to come to meet so many more of you. Thought I post a few shots of some of the folks I have been fortunate to meet from the blog world and the online family I have gained. Thanks to all of you, for without your support I wouldn't be where I am today.

Who are You?

If you are not your name, your career, your relationship, your possessions or your body, then who is being harmed?

We all trudge through life carrying backpacks filled with preconceptions and judgements. But each time we are able to discard just one preconception, it is like removing a stone from the pack, our steps become lighter, our vision, clearer. The journey becomes a joyful adventure.

As we taste freedom, we begin to realize that there is nobody to be harmed. As the quest continues, we awaken t the truth that there is also nobody harming us.

Taken from Heart of Forgiveness by Madeline Ko-I Bastis

When we look at our soul rather than the shell of people we lose our preceptions and judgements. We can truly treat each other as fellow travelers on this journey of life. Each of us equal........no one of us better or worse than any other.

My Best Friend, My Lover, My Everything

24 Years ago I met the person who would one day become my everything. We began our journey as merely friends. That over time became best friends and eventually blossomed into true love and true lovers. On the 3rd day of August in the year 1985 we stood together and made a committment before God and our families.

You have lived up to every word of that committment. Through all that I have done and I that I have become you have stood beside me. Your love has been undying and true. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. Your are the best husband, friend, lover, partner, son, dad and citizen that has ever walked across my path.


The things I love the most about you are your support through everything, the good things and the bad. The way you have raised our kids, they are good people and your compassion, ambition, intitative and generosity shines in them. Your generosity is beyond compare. You have given of your time, talent and possesions unselfishly. Proof lies in the faces of all the young men and women who were given oppotunities to soar as a direct result. Proof lies in the testamonials of the countless friends of mine whom you have lovingly called my other wives, as you have been the man in their worlds by offering your skills as handyman, plumber, electrician, etc., as well as, financial support when necessary. Your generosity has taught me how to give of myself unselfishly.

I look forward to all the tomorrows that lie before us because I know that no matter what challenges, adventues and fun lie ahead of us I have your hand to hold. I cherrish my yesterdays because of the memories and dreams you have helped come true.

Your best quality has been your sense of humor. You have taught me so much about enjoying life, about keeping life simple and about rolling with the punches that life has thrown our way.

There are so many memories I could never list them all but these are a few of my favorites: our wedding; the day Kim was born; the day Steve was born; all those afternoons I found the two of you asleep in the easy chair with the afternoon sun of your faces; watching you play ball; fishing, camping and hiking; the many "mishaps" that have occured on those outings (like the time you dumped the boat on the neighbors car); the acceptance you've show to my friends; watching you coach; watching you lead the boys in songs and chants; your cute little giggle; the little jokes that we have played on each other (my favorite was the rubberband on the spray nozzle); there are many more but I'd be here for days if I were to list them.

I love you forever and always. You are truly the one for me.

Remaining Calm Today

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.--Karl Wallenda

In walking a tightrope, a person has to learn to relax while going forward in a situation filled with risk. If he is tense and keeps his body rigid, he will lose his balance and fall. But if he stays relaxed and keeps his muscles loose while remaining very focused, he can continuously respond and readjust his balance while walking. Then he will experience the exhilaration of success. This is a perfect metaphor for life itself, for growing in an intimate relationship and for growing in recovery.

Life itself is a risk. When we hold on too tight, remain too guarded, and anxiously try to control every factor, we become stiff and reactive rather than calm, focused, and responsive. The guidance of this path teaches us to let go of our anxieties and leads us to peace of mind. When we learn to do that, we can deftly walk our path and more effectively maintain our balance in dealing with whatever comes up.

Today I will calm myself while walking on my path.

Thoughts For Today

My thoughts for the day.......most of them stolen from others.....

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'"-- Eknath Easwaran

"It takes a lot of experience of life to see why some relationships last and others do not. But we do not have to wait for a crisis to get an idea of the future of a particular relationship. Our behavior in little every incidents tells us a great deal." Eknath Easwaran

"Patience can't be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it." Eknath Easwaran

"Through meditation and by giving full attention to one thing at a time, we can learn to direct attention where we choose." Eknath Easwaran

“The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time.” -Abraham Lincoln

"Someone was hurt before you.....beaten before you; humiliated before you; raped before you; yet someone survived." by Maya Angelou

"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." by Maya Angelou

"Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it allows me to survive, and better than that, to thrive with passion, compassion, and style." by Maya Angelou

"Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable." by Maya Angelou

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." by Maya Angelou

"Alone, all aloneNobody, but nobodyCan make it out here alone." by Maya Angelou

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." by Maya Angelou

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it." by Maya Angelou

"Nothing will work unless you do." by Maya Angelou

"The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach." by Maya Angelou

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest." by Maya Angelou