New Leg of the Journey

Well.......so much has happened since I last posted. After 22 years of marriage my husband asked me for a divorce. Last night was my first night in my new place. It has been an emotional roller coaster. There were some many memories of wonderful times and we made two wonderful children. The reality is that since I got sober 4 years ago we have grown on two very different paths, especially spiritually. It became clear that this leg of my journey was to be done solo. I have had to work hard to remember that my Higher Power and sobriety must come before everything else, for without them I will have nothing. A decision had to be made about the future and it was tough, but ultimately it came down to one thing........for me, to drink is to die.......and the marriage, the way it was going was leading me closer to a drink. I have been busy with packing and moving and unpacking......but as I begin this new leg of my journey I will be blogging the pains and the joys, as that is always so helpful for me......Thanks to those of you who keep checking here and asking where I have been. Thanks to those who have held me up during this difficult time of change, especially I am grateful for the strength given me by my Higher Power.

Welcome 2007

This has been a year of much growth and change. There have been happy times, sad times, easy changes and difficult ones too. I wouldn't change it for the world. Even the places where I made mistakes, were places that I have learned so much. Each day is a new opportunity. I deal with a disease who has one goal and that is to kill me. Therefor I must start each day with Honesty, Open mindedness, and Willingness and live it one moment at a time, to the fullest. That is the only way to conquer it. Thanks to each of you for all your help and guidance along the way. Inevitable, when I am struggling I will find the answer on the words one of you has posted on your page. That is the voice of God working through us all, to help us succeed. I wish you all a wonderful new journey in the coming year.....One Day At A Time. Love you all.

Home Sweet Home

Got home late last night. I'm back to the real world today. I'm so thankful that I was able to sneak in a little vacation before fall turns into winter (that happened already in Minnesota....damm it's cold there). It was just what I needed. I was able to really relax, catch up on some sleep, see my very bestest girl friend, and really concentrate on regrouping and making plans for getting myself back on the right path.

Today I start a journey of discovery and healing that is long over due. I will be inlocking the door on a very ugly closet from the past that needs cleaned out. It's time. I have done everything humanly possible to keep the door locked and it has lead me to some very low places, and I want to be raised where eagles fly. The only way that can happen is to clean out the dark corners, ugly clossets and bring the sunlight of the spirit to those places. I know it will be painful at times, I will find anger and hurt, but I have learned that this is the only way if I want to live and find some measure of peace and serenity. The thought that keeps me going is that in the end it will be so much better.

Thanks so much for all your help and continued support Mable. You have taught me so much, and I know there are so many more good things to come....I see them in your examples. The biggest tool you have shown me is that the journey always begins with the truth and I will be forever grateful for that. Can't wait until May when I can call ya Grandma!

There Is No Escape

We can't escape "Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them."-- Orison Swett Marden

We can’t escape problems and negativity. Escaping just brings denial and suppression - we continue to carry the problem with us. Ironically, it is our lack of acceptance and resistance to the problem that creates the pain. Resistance builds up an energy wall or block that, if not discharged, gets suppressed into the body. These blocks identify places where we have not enough understanding or love. For health, we must work through what we seek to avoid. How do we do this? We can love parts of ourselves that we don’t like. We can seek the lessons we are being invited to learn through the problem. We can examine our beliefs and seek to see different perspectives and a bigger picture. As our perspectives grow, more of life makes sense and has meaning.

"The Lord is a good psychologist: he knows the way our minds run. Turmoil can be the Lord's way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, 'Don't forget me.'"-- Eknath Easwaran

This is a lesson I'm learning everyday. I spent a long time doing everything I could to escape from problems. I drank, drugged and ran at every opportunity. It worked for a while. Eventually the pain became overwhelming. The turmoil or tapping on my shoulder said it is time to work through the problems and painful memories so that they could be put to rest forever. I have a faith and trust in a Higher Power that was lacking in all those years of running. I know that I will have that power and strength to lean on now. My Higher Power has also brought help in the form of a wonderful husband and supportive friends whom he has chosen to cross my path. I will get through this with their help and support. By accepting the memories they will lose their power over me. My best friend is always reminding me that those things that have power over me, that I now see as my greatest liablilites, will one day soon be my greatest assests. I am longing for that day when I will rest peacefully and recognize those assests. I know what I have to do to get to that place, I have been praying for the willingness to take the steps, and now I am willing to follow through. This year I am beginning that journey, those steps through the past. So far it has been painful, yet rewarding. The one experience from the past that I have worked through has brought me tremendous rewards. I have no doubt that the work I do today and tomorrow will bring equal results. Thank you to those who have held me while I take every step on this journey. Your love and support I can never repay. You have been my friend, my lover, my sister, my support holding me through it all.