Lessons

This morning I woke up with weight on my shoulders. As I did my inventory upon retiring last night, I had to admit to myself that I was approaching a line I could afford to, nor wanted to cross. Okay, what am I going to do about it? Decided on a plan, said a prayer about it and off to bed I went. This morning it was time to follow through with the plan. My ego was screaming crazy thoughts like, "who will know," "you are doing just fine," and many others along those lines. All I had to do was think those thoughts through to the end, despite the fact that my bestest friend told me this week that I'm to sick to think on my own and she would let me know when I could think. Each senario my ego suggested ended with a drink.

So I start on my plan. First on my agenda is my husband. He really does not understand my addicition but he is learning just as I am. All goes well, he asks a few questions, agrees with my plan and heads off to work.

Following that I speak with my bestest friend. The conversation is intense and I'm nervous, but above all I am determined to be rigorously honest. I admit what is going on and she gives me her opinion and agrees with the plan. Following that she points me to the Big Book. I have read the page she suggest probably a million times but today is different, I read a page that becomes a gift.....

Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and we will have learned our lesson.....
P. 70 BB Alcoholics Anonymous

I was overwhelmed with emotion. So I have fallen short. But my motive was good, I have just taken some bad advice and have gone slightly off the path. This reading tells me that if my motives are good, if I'm sorry, and I have a desire to give this to my Higher Power, and if I believe in forgiveness, then the lesson is learned.

I feel as though the weight has been lifted. We discussed the lessons we learn in our recovery and the fact that often times we learn best when the lesson comes from a shortcoming. My friends then says, "Some lessons come and go as gently as a breeze, and others are like an elephant poop." This one was definitly an elephant poop, but the lesson is learned, I am taking the actions necessary to correct things, and I believe in a very forgiving and understanding Higher Power. Today is turning into one of the best days I have had on this journey, this trudge on a road toward Happy Destiny.