Autonomy

Today's Thought

You are reading from the book Touchstones.

It's hard for me to keep my emotions inside. I want to express them now. That's what a team is all about.--Earvin "Magic" Johnson

We become part of a team in this program. That's why all the Steps are written with the word we rather than I. We cannot fully surrender to renewal simply by reading about it, hearing about it, or thinking about it. We become participants, members, and peers. We go to meetings and express the details of our lives, and we learn from the stories of others. In our relationships we learn to let our emotions out.

When we say, "He's hard to get to know," we are talking about someone who doesn't show feelings. Team members express their feelings to build a bond between themselves and gain a familiarity with each other. A man may say, "I'm the sort of guy who doesn't do well in groups," or "I'm not the type to express my feelings." But for the sake of recovery, we must endure the awkwardness of learning new things. On this recovery team it is all right to come just the way we are, awkwardness and all.

Today, I will not hold back my emotions. I will let people know me.

This reading really hit home with me, especially in light of my week. I have not been real forth coming about sharing my feelings with my team. It seems somehow easier to share them here where it is sort of anonymous or even with my best friend, who is a tremendous help, but is not looking me in the face everyday. The people on my team who can really help me and that I can really help, such as my sponsor, my husband, my home group, my sponsee, those are the folks I have been reserved with of late. This past week has been a difficult one and maybe it needed not have been so difficult if I was doing my job on the team.

So yesterday, even though I did not want to, I drove the two hours up highway 12 along the river into the mountains to meet up with my sponsor at the Annual Friends of Bill Winter Retreat at the Lewis & Clark Resort. It was sunny and beautiful. I stopped many times along the way soaking in the beauty of God's world all around me, letting the sun shine on my face. When I arrived I actually drove right to where my sponsor was.....divine guidance I'm sure....thought I would have to wander to find her. We spent the day together. We went to meetings and workshops and a potluck dinner and speakers meeting. We spent hours talking about life and reading from the Big Book and the 12 X 12 and ACIM. Essentially I spent the day inviting her into my recovery in a way that we could become a team. I have been hesitant to do that and it has cost me dearly. I even got to spend part of the evening with her sponsor Pat, whom I had heard lots about but never met before. I also got to see and share with other members of my home group the things that have been going on in my life so that once agian we can all help each other out. I got home way too late last night and I have been draggin butt all day (might be a two nap day today). But it was worth it. I made a huge step toward recovery this weekend. Now I just have to trust in God that I will be where I am meant to be by the end of this next week, and the consequences of my actions will be what they are suppose to be.....thanks to all for sharing your experience, strength and hope along the way and being a part of my TEAM!