Separateness

Today's thought is:

Separateness

. . . risk creating our own life path.

Sometimes it seems easier to lean on our mate for all decisions and all direction. Then we do not have to risk creating our own life path. Some people think they can avoid that risk by striking a bargain with their mate. They so fully immerse themselves in their mate's identity that they never have to face their own. Some couples unconsciously agree that one partner will do all the thinking and the other will have all the feelings. The result of their bargain blunts the spirit of both people, because neither grasps the challenge to see life through her or his own eyes. When both us know how it feels to walk in the other's shoes but still see our life through our own eyes, we find the greatest personal empowerment and spiritual freedom.

Think of a time when your relationship was stronger because you took the risk to be different.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

This reading hit home for me on some many different levels. My first relationships in my family of origin were very much like this. We were not allowed to have our own identity if it rocked the boat too much so I grew up with a sense of molded myself to the system to make things run smoothly and not stand up and be my own person. When I got married I carried this over into that relationship. I learned very quickly to let him call all the shots and I didn't make a decision on my own until I started drinking. I made decisions but they were all based on trying to keep him happy and the relationship together while continuing my use. When I got sober I was lost. I had all these feelings and emotions to deal with and decisions to make about where my path was going to lead and how to get there. I didn't have a clue how to do anything on my own. It is only in the program of AA and through the guidance of some very special people, most importantly, Mable, that I have begun to make decisions for myself. I am learning that they don't always have to be right and I can learn from them and do it differently next time. The important thing is the action. I can make decisions all day long but I must chose to act on them for there to be any progress. For the first time in my life I am creating my own path. I have stumbled and fallen, but I chose to get up and try again. I have had to ask for help and at times accept the help of an outstretched hand when I didn't want to. I have twisted and turned and stumbled blindly at times. But ultimatley the important thing is that I am learning that I can survive anything put in my path so long as I rely on a Power greater than me and ask for help when I need it, and learn from the wisdom of others and the experiences I encounter. I am free today and with that freedom comes a sense of peace that makes it all worth it.