When all is said and done, willingness is everything. --Frank D.
Most of us adult children know very well that recovery doesn't happen, nor is there any positive growth, unless we are first of all willing.
Sometimes we get confused over the difference between willing and wanting. We don't have to want, let alone enjoy, doing what needs to be done. Not wanting to do something is altogether different from not being willing to do it. As one recovering woman said, "Everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it." The bottom line is that she did let go no matter how badly she wanted to hang on; she was willing.
Think of the people in the program we most admire, those whose progress seems so speedy compared to ours. They may very well not enjoy going out to meetings. They may find it uncomfortable to meet with their sponsors or to say kind words when they really want to complain. They may wish they didn't have to make amends to certain people. But druthers aren't the point. The point is that they are willing to do what it takes.
Today, I ask God to help me deepen my willingness to grow and to see the difference between what I want and what I will.
It's almost time for me to go home and get back to life on life's terms. It has been a much needed break from the world to come here to the safety of my Anna Poo's hideaway. Return to life I must. I have to come the place in my journey where only rigorous honesty with myself and my program is gonna keep me sober. It is something I have struggled with. I have relapsed over it once and it is not a place I want to go again. So my prayer is for the willingness to be rigoroursly honest. That simple act of praying for willingness worked on step 3 so I have faith it will work with this as well if I only just give it a try. Thanks to Anna for all that you've given me, even though you have so much uncertainty in your own life right now. Just a place to escape to now and than means the world to me and I know I'm safe here. Thanks to all of you for all the support. I couldn't make it without AA and you folks.
8 comments:
hey rexie, its ok to escape and replenish, refresh...
welcome back
yvw ...anything for you :)
I wish I could give you a hug!
I'll be praying for you, Rex. Stay strong :)
That's awesome! Good for you. an ounce of willingness goes a long way for me. Kind of like, objects in motion stay in motion. Once you start it just keeps going!!!
I love that saying, everything I ever let go of had claw marks all over it. Darn that is so true isn't it? My dad used to tell me that when you reach the point that your willing to give up something you really want, is the point that you become a grown up.
Great post.
I've been thinking of the "wanting" thing a lot lately too. Happy Weekend sista!
I see you,
JJ
I have been wanting to comment this post and finally have the chance.
These are great insightful words to my recovery. I had a wonderful conversation about this post with "my Al-Anon" (funny how I claim "my").
Early in my recovery I was on what some label "a pink cloud." They said it as if resentful. I was so blessed to discover the solution to what was killing me. I almost felt guitly, should I be feeling like POOP still. Never did I pray before or even suggest that I had a God in my life -- yet I was doing this and it was SO BIG for me and SO BEAUTIFUL.
I heard a person at my homegroup yesterday say "I finally have come to the point in my sobriety where I am not pissed off to be sober."
I love the paragraph about the willingness, and what is difficult for one may not be difficult for another.
Thank you for these words and being here.
it all starts with being willing.... I used to confuse enjoyment or liking something with willingness and acceptance. I am soo glad AA taught me that you don't have to like everything, but it's good to be willing and to accept!
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