Being a Victim

Being a victim was the unconscious motivation for most, if not all, of Rhonda's actions. It was the thing that motivated Rhonda to do and say the things she knew would have a violent impact and a violent outcome. Violence, abuse, and being hurt had become a pattern in her life. Most people are always loyal to their patterns whether they are conscious of them or not. Most people will behave in ways that will create what they believe will happen.

Taken from "Yesterday, I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I'm so tired of being a victim. I, just like this reading says, create chaos to keep it alive, often without even knowing I'm doing it. I will strive to trust in my Higher Power and to turn the pain over to him. By doing so there is less fear and that makes it possible for me to fully accept that some shitty things happened to me. I had no control over them and could not change the outcome. I can however change my actions and attitudes today. I can let these things continue to control and dominate me or I can turn things over to a Higher Power and work through these things so that they no longer place me in fear. I am experiencing feelings that I never allowed myself to feel in 25 years. They are raw and intense. Today I can recognize that feelings are not facts and that with the help of a Higher Power I will get through these feelings without picking up. By allowing the feelings to surface instead of numbing them out they will lose their power and no longer be as strong or intense. Thanks to a few very dear friends for helping me to see this and thanks to my Higher Power for the strength to endure.