Suffering

As children we learn a great deal about our ability to survive and get by in life, by the way we were treated. It is ultimately our ability to withstand or understand the treatment we receive as children that determines what we think about ourselves as adults......One big lesson.....grin and bear your grief....suffer in silence....silent suffering was good for the soul......He taught her that life was hard and that you must do whatever is necessary to survive.....Daddy taught her that money was more important than personal honor, and that it is okay to do whatever is necessary to get the money you need to live. He taught her that family is no where near as important as your reputation among your peers. He also taught her that making do with what you have is more important than asking for what you want. More important still, he taught her never to tell the truth if it will make trouble, or get you in trouble.....Unfortunately, when you have a survivalist mentality, you become so caught up in surviving, you forget that there is another way of living. You forget about the joy and the gentleness and the softness. You forget about communication and intimacy. You forget that in the process of living you must remember to be gentle and kind. When you are a daddy, you may even forget that your little girl is watching you, waiting for you to make things better. She had a hard time learning all of the things that her daddy and the other adults in her life forgot.

Taken from "Yesterday, I cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

This reading really hit home for me. I learned everything in this very same manner. What really hit me was the fact that I am recovering, yet I still do some of those old behaviors. I want my kids to learn a new way and hopefully stop the cycle of addiction and dysfunction. I am learning that this will take a lifetime to change all the old into new. All I can do is to keep trying and move forward from there. The key is being honest with my kids about the mistakes and help them to learn a new way as I learn the new way too. They already have so much growth and knowledge above what I came into this program with and that has to be a good starting point.