Love and Spirituality

Children often learn about spirituality and things of a spiritual nature under a cloud of suspence and fear....They are definitely taught they are sinners. They are taught what not to do. They are also taught that if they commit the forbidden acts, God will get them. They are taught about a cruel and punishing God. A God who is displeased with you and most of what you do unless you follow certain "prescriptions." Few children are taught that they are not separate from God, or that it is possible to develop an intimate relationship with God. They believe that God is somewhere "out there," separate and apart from you, waiting for you to make a wrong move...She figured out very early in life that she was bad, and something bad was gonna happen to her...Bad children expect bad things to happen to them. They expect to be punished...She learned about love through pain, abusively, neglegently inflicted, and unnecessary pain. She learned about God in the midst of fear. She learned to expect pain as an ingredient to being loved. She learned that people who claimed to love you can cause, and will ignor, your pain. She learned through the action of her "loved ones" to expect that an act of love would be preceded by the impostion of pain...She learned that if you do the wrong thing, those who love you will hurt you. And no matter how badly you hurt, or what you have done, if you bear the pain of love silently, you can hope against hope that someone will, one day, love you enough to hurt you again.

Taken from "Yesterday I Cried" by Iyanla Vanzant

I have been struggling lately with love and spirituality. I never got clear messages about either growing up. I really identified with what this book said. That is exactly the message I grew up with. When I got to AA I began to learn a new way. I began to understand that God is not like that at all. I came to learn what love was suppose to look like. It has been so easy for me to have that love and for my spirituality to grow in the rooms of AA. Where it got tough was the part about practicing these principles in "all our affairs" , as step 12 suggests we do. The hardest place of all has proven to be at home. After some struggle, some reading and some inventory I have come to the realization that I have allowed my relationships at home to be driven by self-centered fear. I have forgotten that my only job is to give love freely and be of service. I have forgotten that kind of love that overlooks shortcomings at home, and have allowed my fear to keep me focused on the faults of others. In just one evening of remebering that love and that giving without the expectation of anything in return, relationships have already improved. The problems are no where near being all solved, but at least I feel like the war is over. Thanks so much for holding that mirror up and pointing me in the right direction (you know who you are, chickie). Love ya the mostest!