When we think about forgiving ourselves, we are generally forgiving transgressions we have committed against others. The vicitm may forgive us. God may forgive us, but we often don't forgive ourselves.
We are trapped in a cul-de-sac of guilt and shame.
Loving-kindness is the foundation of forgiveness, but sometimes the most difficult person to love unconditionally is yourself. We hold ourselves to impossible standards of perfection, and when we fail to meet them, we feel worthless.
Loving-kindness begins with ourselves.
taken from the Heart of Forgiveness by Madeline Ko-I Bastis
Lately I have been filled with feelings of worthlessness, guilt and shame. The result has been me being stuck in self-pity. This has led to a lot of old behaviors kicking in. That results in my program going backwards not forward. I have been working to push all that is good out of my life, as if I don't deserve it. It's time to start focusing on the solutions in my life and put the ass kicking machine away. I was told by a friend that I'm closest to my HP while I'm in the present. Morbid reflection in the past and all the things I've done wrong is where my ego is. My ego does nothing but destroy those relationships I've worked so hard to build. So for today I will try to remember my "orange!" God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. So Be It.
9 comments:
Boy Rex, that's a great read this morning! I can definitely relate to a little guilt/shame/failure driven spiritual and emotional self mutilation. Thanks for the read!
A cul-de-sac of guilt and shame, I can relate to this.
What do you mean your 'orange'?
This forgiveness topic is timely for me, its my topic to speak on at the CT convention at the end of the month.
I too have struggled with self pity and depression. My sponsor tells me its because of my over dependence on others instead of God.
Enjoy your today
Christine
Sorry it took so long for me to get here...but now that I've found you I must say...Wow.
I'm going to poke around some more. I think I like this place.
Rex - AWESOME post. Thank you so much for sharing. I was thinking about this today even before I read your post and decided that I have a big pile of "mind goo" and that's what all the shitty stuff sticks too. And shitty stuff can be the old thoughts/behaviors or anything new that is excessive. My mind goo is all over the place lately!
Keep on taking care of yourself. Meg
Rex, In my experience, I cannot will myself to believe I am a wonderful person. But if I stop thinking about myself and turn my thoughts to others, I find that I am not so obsessed with whatever failings I have imagined myself to have.
I can relate to the stick beating yourself, but why?
forgivness, yes... that is something I have been going trhough alot. self and for others. I am good at letting go of the crap I get from others (mostly good) but myself... that I need an overhaul there... working on it, thanks for the post and your comment on my blog... : )
We are trapped in a cul-de-sac of guilt and shame...Story of my life lol. The answer of course always begins with the "orange"
Post a Comment